The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
