Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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