he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
