She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
