no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
