Just cropdusted the office
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
