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marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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