I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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