Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
