"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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