i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
