wake up i wanna do it froggy style
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
