In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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