even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
