hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
