Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
