I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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