who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
