What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
