will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
