Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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