i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish I only lived at night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
