my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
