Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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