My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
