You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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