Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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