she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
