the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
