i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
