If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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