I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
