Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
