fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
