they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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