i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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