ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
