We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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