I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
