Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think i have two assholes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
