Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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