I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
