The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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