Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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