??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
