She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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