ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
