i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
