put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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