guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
