I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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