Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
