I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
