What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
