wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
