i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
