Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
