I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize