you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
