Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
