ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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