Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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