I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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