i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize