I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no you cant smoke seaweed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
