I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
