I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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