It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
