Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
