My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
