tequila makes me forget i have legs
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
