his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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